SilverZeo

Oh… it’s the New Year? Dang it… the election is coming up too… this going to be a LONG years that will be too short at the same time somehow, isn’t it? Sorry for the lack of activity on here for a while… at best I am making sketches at the last minute just to say I did DRAW something… Work has me very busy, tried, and stretched out on my days off.. so it’s been hard to balance my budget, my time, and finding the proper use of my free time. It also doesn’t help that my computer habits are more burdensome than proactive, as well as my own computers are getting so old that they’re getting harder to perform properly on them. My main laptop is getting close to 10 years and laggy, while a back-up one has LESS features and even MORE odd bugs to it. I managed to get a new PC tower for myself on Black Friday… I could only afford the computer at the time, still need more for the general set up. I hope with this model, I can do more properly as well as make better computer habits that will make sure I am active and efficient with my plans and projects. Also dealing with LOTS of depressing stuff as of late. With the real world… just take a look at the news and I am sure you will understand… with more personal stuff: Alot of the sites I used being obnoxious and clumbersome to various degrees (Blue Bird is gone because of a muskrat and DA somehow overshadowed the fetish-art with AI-generated NFTs). It also doesn’t help that most of the “communities” I tend to hang out are either kinda dead with lack of activity, or the active ones where I barely seem to stand out at all. Even with the ones who I interact directly get little to no response, be it with private chats, giving gifts such as tips, my own art, or ones I commissioned. Commissioning has been a bummer too… while last year I managed to get some great artists to get some great artwork done for big milestones… I also experienced some bad luck with them in general. Artists I regularly hire are either too busy, have gotten out of my payrange, have the slots filled out before I can EVEN submit a request, or they have just lost their motivation completely on some projects I hired them for… In general: I pay a lot, wait a long time for my turn, only to get a project that seemed rather rushed to what I wanted. Worst part is, with all of that: I still don’t get much feedback from others when I share them online. I am also left a little depressed from the Christmas Holidays… I took part in a randomized Secret Santa thread online, and while I did gave some people joy… I kinda got nothing from it. And while I did get some surprise gifts from others and friends alike, I am a little disappointed how so many people kinda overlooked me. It didn’t help with how busy me and my friends were for the holidays… but now that they passed, it should better now. Now that I vented… I am going to try to be more active in general. I will draw more for myself than just commissioning others… at this point: I might just only get one artist a month… with luck I can get the slot once I have the money… I will also try focus more on myself than trying to gain favors from others. I might enjoy their work, but unless they actually talk back to me when I make the effort of tipping and sketching them something myself, then they’re NOT going to get anything more than that. Like I said at the start: This year is going to be a rough one too… so I am going to try to start it off as best as I can and hope for the best with what I can do for myself and my friends. I hope you guys can do the same.

Yeah, I am still somewhat active here… nothing happens much in my life to make it noteworthy… much less a general audience for them. At least for better or worse, I have twitter for that stuff… Yeah, still feeling isolated from the lack of feedback on things… even for the pics I commissioned some great artists for… I still sketch for myself, mostly practice or concept drawings, I usually post them on twitter… but I also notice that nobody feedbacks with comments or giftart anymore… even with smaller artists online. Nobody seems interested in socializing unless you have a lot to offer… and I think I am going through a “burnout” trying to break the ice with people and going nowhere, same for some commissions… those are getting hard to get nowadays, both due to prices, chances, and interactions… At least I know I managed to get some traction with some people in between of my bundles of strike outs. My birthday is coming up around the start of August…. I REALLY miss the birthday notifications DA used to have… just a heads up for anyone to care to have time to prep and get ready...

I just… I mean… 2022 was… UGH!!! Sorry for the lack of updates here... it’s just that most of the stuff that happens to me is either just small things that best suited for Twitter updates… I have notice my posts on here… get less than ideal amount of feedback. I get likes and favorites… but nothing really helps me understand of what I am doing and what works for me to grow as an artist/creator. This really bothers me with how everything is getting more expansive, including art commissions, I am not sure how much I should invest in projects if they come off so bland or forgettable that barely leave a impact with some people. So far, the only posts that DO get some legit commentary are journal posts about my birthday or a given holiday, the kind that people just reply for the bare minimum greeting… While going into 2023, I will try to be active as much I can. Either drawing for myself or making commission work for the fun of it. I will also try to leave comments for other artists in hopes it leads some good karma my way this year. I tried to give GiftArt to other users whose work I enjoyed... at best I get a general "Thank you" while at worst: I kinda go unnoticed... yeah. I feel like "furry community" just plays out like some kind of popularity contest... I am truly grateful for those here who take the time to talk to me and try to get know me well enough, much less the ones who try to surprise me with things I like... but with all the general indifference I get, as well the as sinking dumpster fire that is Twitter right now and rising disappointments with DeviantART lately (dropping Favorites Search and AIArt program), I am kind a little burnout with trying and socializing with different sites. But now back reflecting back on 2022… I didn’t care for it. Granted we got a few good things from that year… but to me it’s the year everyone had to deal with painful loses or major setbacks. Aside from ALL the dead celebrities from that year alone, I also had my aunt passed around just a few days after Easter… one of my favorite artist had their father passed suddenly too, a friend of mine had to deal with some housing trouble for a few months, while another friend had to deal with dental trouble with all his teeth getting pulled… just lots of trouble for too many friends and people in general. For those who didn’t notice, I kinda dropped the ball my annual traditional challenge to make a colored piece of that Giant Wolf from the Princess Knight anime last year for a few reasons. One was that I kinda ran out of ideas to make with that wolf… much less the confidence to draw those pictures well in general… I usually draw those pictures in honor of a friendship I had with someone… but as of late I feel like we just drift apart and they don’t have the same meaning now than they did year ago… For Christmas and New Years, I had to deal with being sick around both holidays, dealing with a week of bad indigestion, followed up by car trouble, and now dealing with a minor head cold… which seems to be waning now. Topped with my work scheduling keeping me busy, I barely had time to just sit down and relax… much less making a decent update like this.

…. And that’s about it it… I know life can REALLY suck sometimes and be very hard… but all I can do ATM is endure and take a chance if I can afford it.. that’s pretty much the best we can all do. Stay safe, stay sane, and stay kind out there…

Well… August was… a month to be sure… Had to be extra tight with my budget, because of my job significantly cut my hours down a lot; RIGHT around the time my car insurance bill was coming up… sadly I didn’t get any real progress until the end of the month and just BARELY covered my bill. There was all the frustration coming from the surging inferno that started from the dumpster fire that was the WB and Discovery merger…. Lots of favorite shows and material drastically lost… ALL within a few days.

Also didn’t help hearing that ClipArt Studio is going down the subscription path that PhotoShop set up… And then I had a colonoscopy at the end of the month. I had some issues and thought to have it looked into… it did worried me a little… not to mention it cost A LOT of money to cover… with help from the folks. Had to fast and take special meds to prepare for it… taking up a whole day and a half before I could eat anything solid again.. to which I had a variety of tacos and burritos. Luckly, I came out all clear and fine on my examation. So now I know I am good health for now. Overall… it was rather… unpleasant. I really hated how limited I felt. I barely could afford to commission any of my favorite artists… much less give them a decent tip. This also made me think how bad things would be if I tried to live on my own, to which I could barely afford anything as I am now. Tried looking into some app- gigs I could do… but seem to raise more problems than solutions in long run. I really want to make more projects with comics and characters… it just that either all the artists I know are too busy or just out my current payrange. I still need to try to improve my own skills, but I am not sure if I am actually doing that or not with how I can barely focus to work on them, as well as get any feedback on them. But… the month was not a TOTAL bummer or lost to me… It was my birthday. I got A LOT of great stuff from friends and family. Mostly practical stuff, but some simple fun stuff like drawings and figures I got from friends made them worth it. I managed to sit down, grind, and lead to my Brilliant Diamond Team to victory last month too. Will post the footage from it on my twitter page soon enough. Just need to catch the roaming legendary pokemon… And most of all: I managed to get by with good time with my friends. Especially ones online. Seriously, just watching videos and sharing pictures with you guys really help me get by. So far, this year has been a lot to deal with… and it’s not gonna stop anytime soon. So might as well try to brave it at the best I can. Just stay safe everyone… I love you.

Okay… We almost to the half way point of the year… and oh man… these years are NOT getting easier… Losing Betty White on New Year’s Eve, weeks before her 100th Birthday, was a lot to take in, and so far; we seem to be losing actors/talented people from various degrees so far in 2022… April especially. Not only did we lost Gilbert Gottfried, but I learned that good amount of my friends have lost some friends and family members, as well as my own Aunt passed away before I get give one last visit… and ALL of that happened with ONE week… OF EASTER ITSELF! Sorry to say that despite being Easter, a season of rebirth and change… there hasn’t been much good stuff to be hopeful or rise with… just seems more like dead weight… I feel like a lot of best efforts have been fruitless of late…. I am either trying too hard for others that I end up exhausted in multiple ways. Like I feel like I am doo WAY too much just to be noticed in general for 5-seconds or just being this weird imposing weirdo. In fact: I seemed to have bothered a few users by a good amount: both rather new acquaintances and some old friends alike, and right now I am not too sure how I come off in general. I see other things people would like, while I barely do anything for myself… outside of junk-food I should be cutting down on… still: my dayjob has me DO a lot for others too for long exhausting hours… all for pay that I can’t live on alone… and just barely helps those who need it. Still… despite all the short comings I have been dealing with: I am trying to enjoy myself bit by bit. Enjoying playing through what video games I can play, drawing what I can draw, and seeing some posts I make getting SOME kind of glow up… even if for a day or two. With this small amount, I will try to push on: Focus more on my skills and my happiness than just general appeal to others. I will still be considerate to them and give them a lift when they need it, I will just try not to do it as an impulse. I hope everyone else feeling the weight of the year can do the do the same to make it to the next year. Stay safe and sane.